Out of the Closet

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Out of the Closet

 I am an artist and color my hair in two tone patterns of black and white. My nose is pierced, as is my naval. I have tattoos. I dress in edgy clothing and I cavort with artistic, creative types. For all appearances, I look like your average California New Age agnostic, but I have a secret. I'm a Christian.

I have been a coward. For years I have carried my secret, sitting quietly as I've heard others berate my faith, judge my beliefs and unfairly put all Christians into one homogenized group of unmoving, self-righteous, bigoted, rigid and heartless people. This is not true. I speak for myself and many others when I say that we are not those things.

I am finally coming clean here. I am afraid of judgement by my peers, the very thing that people like me are often accused of doing. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am far from rigid, but my faith is great. I try not to judge anybody, having lived a colorful past and made a ton of mistakes. I don't make excuses for people, but I do always look past the outer person, trying to see what's really going on inside. I think about Jesus a lot. I cringe when I hear profanity, and others using his name as an expletive.  I wonder what he would do.  I am reverent. I pray.

For years I have been trying to write a book, to put my thoughts on paper and tell everyone about the blessing my life is; how I was saved from falling into the abyss as a teenager, and how my marriage was saved. I will write about my past, but I won't write about my marriage. That would expose others. I don't have the right to do that. Just believe me when I say that it's true.

I will use this medium to put my thoughts down, now that I've found this blogging thing. I've been prompted to write during my entire life and the last time I did this-write down my thoughts, it was in a diary as a teen. My mother found it and I have hesitated to write honestly ever since. At the time I thought writing wrecked my life. Writing probably saved it. God had intervened using a gift he had given me.